"Another family court judgement battering the victim of domestic violence "
- Category: Domestic Violence
- Created: Sunday, 16 September 2012 05:46
Having been through family court, even when the father ADMITS to having been a perpetrator of domestic violence, when the father has been CONVICTED for domestic violence long before the marriage ends, even when the father admits and been convicted for violence against the child, the family court ignores this and actually says this is irrelevant.
Declaring that repeat PROVEN violence against the mother is irrelevant to child custody, and a PROVEN incident of extreme violence against the child is irrelevant because it was only “once off” – ignoring that many of the PROVEN incidences of violence against the mother was because the father went to physically assault the child and the mother stepped in the way and took the beating meant for the child.
At the beginning of my marriage, I brought in all the assets – my now ex-husband brought nothing. I was the much higher income earner despite also being a full time student working towards being a doctor. I had to give up working when our daughter was born because a serious back injury my ex gave me while I was pregnant meant I could no longer work, and eventually I gave up my studies to be a doctor because despite him being unemployed, he wasn’t willing to look after our daughter even four hours a WEEK so I could finish my undergraduate degree, and there no chance of him looking after her full time while I finished my post grad medicine degree.
When we separated, he had spent all my super, had sold all my assets except my car, and he had left my car so damaged that after spending nearly $7000 to fix it, it still was unusable and had to be sold to a wrecker for $100. Over our 8 year marriage he had conned my parents out of $70,000 to pay for his drug habit, his fines for his many driving offences and many criminal offences related to drugs, theft, fraud etc. And he ran up a massive credit card debt in my name early in our marriage and would take all my pay so I couldn’t pay it off – most of the debt he ran up was by stealing my card out of my purse, getting cash advances to buy drugs, and then hiding the statements from me for months. I could have had him charged with theft when he did – but I loved him and the thought never crossed my mind. When lawyers eventually suggested I do so, 1. I refused to, and 2. was told police couldn’t charge him because it was a few years in the past.
He took everything of value when we seperated (expensive dvds, games consoles he’d bought with my money etc) and I was left with nothing but debts. The injuries he gave me and the fact I gave up a career as a doctor because of the injuries he gave me, meant I was eligible to seek spousal maintenance in addition to child support, but he wouldn’t even pay child support.
So don’t ever tell me women make false claims of abuse to get ahead in family court and financial settlements. As a genuine victim of severe violence that was PROVEN, family court said it was irrelevant, and it was never even an issue raised in financial settlements.
Quite simply, he stripped me and my family dry of every single thing we owned – he conned my parents out of their life savings gradually over 8 years to pay for his drug habit. I worked hard during our marriage til I was too physically broken by him to work anymore and he took every cent I made and spent it on drugs and prostitutes while running up massive debts in my name.
And then had the audacity despite working full time for around half the time since we’ve seperated, during the times he was working, refusing to pay ANY child support, even the bare minimum. Our daughter is special needs and I used to have to go without food some days and without desperately needed medical treatment ALL the time just so I could pay for her medical needs, while he’d spend many hundreds every week on drugs alone.
So don’t tell me women make false allegations in court to get ahead – because it doesn’t work. Even genuine proven domestic violence is considered irrelevant in family court and divorce court.
And while my ex will try and tell people I fought him in court to save our daughter from his abuse because I “hated” him and was trying to get back at him for cheating on me – he will five minutes later claim that I still love him and want to get back with him. The man is genuinely mentally ill and delusional. The truth is actually neither. And he knows the truth when he’s not messed up on drugs and mentally ill psychotic – and that is I don’t hate him and I don’t love him in that way – that I love him as a human being, and that I love all human beings and will always do my best to respect and care for them. Despite everything he put us through, my daughter and are the only ones who truly give a rats what happens to him – not his leeching money hungry mistresses, not his druggie friends who leech off him for free drugs, not his family who long ago gave up on him.
But I don’t love him in a romantic way. The day the divorce was granted, ended any feelings of that. But I don’t hate him. He is no different from my own biological family – they treat me like crap, I love them anyway. I don’t like what they do or what sort of people they are, but I love them as human beings and are always there for them when they need.
Unfortunately family courts don’t see it that way. They think women are just making up abuse and hate their exes. They laugh at you if you say you care about them as human beings and no more, but that they abused you terribly and only want them to have supervised access to the kids until they go back on their psych meds, get off drugs and get violence counselling.
So don’t pretend that false allegations get taken seriously – even genuine ones don’t.
Posted by J | September 16, 2012, 6:16 am